I don’t want to talk about Prostate Cancer. I can’t. There is so much going on that it seems to be the furthest from my mind. Life has been throwing curveballs my way since my last posting. My wife and I, our world has been turned upside down. March was crazy. We were focused on an exciting trip to Europe down the Rhine and Rhone. And then everything happened prior to it. Although I wanted to write a post about the situations we were facing at the time, time and circumstances wouldn’t allow it.
First, my brother-in-law went missing! The first day of March he wrote a cryptic letter to his wife and father saying he doesn’t deserve to live and he was gone! We were frantic! We put out flyers. Friends and family came to help look for him. We walked up and down A1A and the Fort Lauderdale strip posting and handing out flyers wherever we could find a place to. Stopping any strangers and asking them if they had seen this person. It was surreal. No one in the family had any reason to believe there was something wrong or there was a problem. We were frantic and we were very concerned.
Three days later he turned up unkempt and exhausted. He had flagged down an officer at the airport which is approximately 2 miles from his residence and called his wife. We rode over with a caravan of worried family. Talked with him and got him checked into a facility.
His story still goes on, and so much he is dealing with. I pray for him, and his situation. We are here supporting him through it. We only want the best for him.
Next, at the end of March we lost a close friend, Jodi, to Ovarian Cancer. My heart weeps!! She was 62. A small little waif of a person. She was full of life and a positive ray of enthusiasm and spirit. The month prior to her passing my wife and I went and had dinner with her. We talked about our Cancers. She talked about how she just wanted to make it to 70. Oh! how my heart bleeds. A couple of weeks later we met her at her home and talked with her son and entertained her grandchild. So upbeat and positive. My wife said she didn’t look well but all I could see and hear was the happy enthusiastic discussion we had about her family and life. Little would we know within a month’s time she would be gone.
I fucking hate cancer! I’m here, I’m not. I’m ok, I’m not. The nagging presence of knowing something persists, something owns you and controls your every waking thought. This is how it feels sometimes. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave. There is so much I need to do, and so much I still want to do.
Ok I had to let it out. This is all our fates, isn’t it? Get over it. Make the most of who you are and the time you have left. Don’t dwell. Do! I will continue to do!
Now it’s June. Where did April and May go? and now my next hurdle #5 May 15th….
We finished up our trip early April. We had a great time spending it with my sisters and their spouses, as well as my parents. My parents’ mobility is not what it used to be, but it really didn’t bother any of us. The time we spent with them was the equalizer. There were some minor trips and falls here and there and we went without them for an excursion or two, but that happened with each of us. At one point the cold bug had hit the ship and we were all dealing with something or another during the cruise. Overall, I wouldn’t trade the time or experience with family for anything.
Once we got back from the trip, I was determined to get the back patio and pool refinished. I called our contractor and work started shortly after. Today it’s nearly complete and I’m excited about the finished product. I’m looking forward to family and friends coming over and enjoying it with us over the coming years.
Now, my PSA test. Did I pass? Hmmm…. I’m not feeling so confident. I woke up early to a text, my lab results were in. I logged into the app and there it was < .04. What is that? It no longer says undetectable like the past tests. Well this isn’t good. It’s back. fuck! fuck! fuck! I have to go to work. Check reddit… not good. Not bad. Ok setup an appointment, let’s talk to our Urologist. The earliest time for appointment is June 20th. Ok. Check with surgeon for an appointment. He has an opening today. Ok my wife is off and she will take me.
I tell my brother the news, him dealing with his own battle with cancer. It’s back!! His response made us both laugh! You’re not going to beat me to the grave! Just having gone through his fifth round of chemo for his colon cancer. We chuckle and he says I’m sorry. I then tell a good colleague at work who’s dealing with her own battles with breast cancer. She says it’ll be alright. These words mean a lot to me.
So I take a trip to my Urologist Surgeon and show him the results. His response. “What?! That’s nothing! You’re fine! Your results are still undetectable.. Nothing to worry about. Come see me in three months. Remember 1 in 3 after surgery have recurrence and if they do have recurrence 80% are cured after treatment. You will be fine.” I’m trying to feel fine. It’s hard to. I’ve kept my appointment with my Urologist for June 20th to get his perspective. I’m confident. I’m hopeful. And as far as who wins between me and my brother, I’m calling the whole thing off. No one wins!
