It’s been over 6 months since I posted about my Prostate Cancer. I’ve tried to stay active with the site by posting about my orchids. Wow, who would have known, the patience there outweighs the reward, but in truth I’ve really enjoyed my orchid journey. Now, I find myself on the verge of my 57th birthday. I’ve moved my quarterly PSA tests to bi-yearly as per my Urologists’ suggestion. I told myself I’d take my PSA test before my birthday and that will be my present, Whatever the result!.. All my fingers and toes are crossed, Lord, let it be good!!!
The Kids
So what’s happened in six months? Wow, lots, let’s focus on the kids. They are moving to their own drum now. I can’t tell you how proud I am. Envious and excited for each of them. Living! Struggling! Loving! Learning! Enjoying every day of life! I can’t express how unique and beautiful each one of them is. How much I think of each of them everyday and I am in awe and excited for the lives they are laying before them.
I’m truly blessed. Has it been easy? No. Do they still struggle? Yes. Are they everything I wanted them to be? Yes! and more. I want to continue to be there and help and guide and immerse myself in their lives (where they let me). But as much as I miss them not being here at home with us, I can’t be more excited about who they’ve become. Even though they are in different parts of the continent we are always together through phone calls, get togethers such as; anniversaries, weddings and special occasions whenever we can and in that way I’m truly blessed.
My Struggles
My prostate struggles almost seem trivial since the surgery. Did I just say that? It’s been just over 3 years since my surgery and I first posted in my blog. I continue to read articles and Reddits daily about prostate cancer struggles and the thousands of individuals dealing with this affliction both younger and older than me. It is easy to recognize now at my age every day is a blessing.
I assume I should have always thought this way. Do we really know when our next day will be our last? I think about my Cancer incessantly. So much so, I’ve added to all the other drivers in my daily life now. In truth, I am shocked about how many people in my life are dealing, dealing with something or some loss related to Cancer or otherwise. What is it that I’m dealing with that is any more or less than anyone else?
Life’s Struggles
Now I’m focused on having good YEARS. Tick tock goes the clock. My wife and I were band parents. Our three kids went through the local high school band program and we spent close to 10 years participating supporting the band. We went to competitions and practices on a weekly basis during the season and helped with props and keeping the kids hydrated and focused. I maintained the band website and created a yearbook every year that we gave to the families. It was such an awesome experience for the both of us. So many great memories, so many great people we met. My last son graduated in 2018. Seven years ago now.
We keep in touch from time to time with some of the parents and kids. I can’t wallow in what may be. Each and every day there is someone that is struggling with a health or life crises. Is this not our humanity? Why do I bring this up? Just last week one of our daughter’s close friends lost their father at 72. Two other fathers I know are dealing with some form of Cancer. Not only that, I have my own family members dealing with some kind of financial or mental health struggles. As well, my nephew lost his best man from his wedding to suicide. He was only 35 years old. What is my cancer diagnosis over any of these other struggles?
Acceptance
When my wife and I discuss any type of struggle that we or someone else is dealing with we usually bring up the stages of grief. We sort of attribute these stages to any traumatic life changing event though we really only can remember the first and last stages being denial and acceptance. For reference there can be 5 or 7 stages depending on which list you follow. The 5 are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Whatever the stages are prior to acceptance, not to sound callous, but what does it matter? I’d assume, if you can’t find your way to the acceptance stage you’re pretty much suffering.
If your life has stopped somewhere in some way along the way to acceptance, that time is likely some stage of misery or finale. I guess it’s easy for me to say this 3 years later based on where I am now, but I don’t think that’s it. I am ready now. I’m saying this, but do I believe it?… Yes, I’m ready to accept whatever my PSA results give me. I accept my Cancer diagnosis from the day I received it, to the day they removed it and my prostate, to now on my 57th birthday. I accept the fact that I had Cancer. Not anymore. And I will take every day as it comes and be oh so grateful for today.
